Why you should install MY iPhone app

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Yes, folks, download my iPhone app! (iTunes required)

It’s got some AMAZING features that will make it stand out from every other iPhone app out there:

It will regularly track your movements via GPS and silently upload them to my Google Earth master map, letting me watch wherever you are on the planet in real time.
It will silently disable the airplane mode so I can track you in flight. Take that, TSA!
On a regular basis, it will silently sync your contacts to my secret mailing list database and mark them as double opt-in with your phone’s IP address as the confirmation IP for verification purposes.
Your phone will automatically sort through all the photos in its library and using a brand new algorithm, will mail me the most incriminating ones. As a bonus, you’ll find them all in iPhoto tagged with “blackmail”.
Taking advantage of the iPhone’s powerful GPS and media capabilities, any time the phone detects that it’s some place important, like Congress, your bank, or your corporate headquarters, it will silently activate the microphone and camera, record everything that’s going on, and mail it to me.

Of course, all of these innovative features will happen behind the scenes, so to make sure YOU get some benefit out of my iPhone app, it will randomly display pictures of adorable kittens. Meow!

Yes, I’m joking (or am I?). That said, every time you install an app on your iPhone, you have absolutely no way of verifying the codebase or knowing what you’re putting on your phone. You don’t know what the app does behind the scenes.

If you have anything of importance on your phone, personal or corporate, think real carefully before loading it up willy-nilly with third party applications, even ones “blessed” by Apple, Google, or others. If you don’t need it, uninstall it. Better yet, don’t install it in the first place. From time to time, back up your device, format it, and restore your data and current applications only.

Enjoy the kittens.

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Comments

17 responses to “Why you should install MY iPhone app”

February 5, 2010

chaeseco

that's one thing I like about android, is that before you install it tells you what parts it will need access to, including things like GPS, camera, contacts, internet access and etc.

Reply
February 5, 2010

chaeseco

that's one thing I like about android, is that before you install it tells you what parts it will need access to, including things like GPS, camera, contacts, internet access and etc.

Reply
February 5, 2010

Jim Kukral TheBizWebCoach

Lol. I'm so downloading it right now!

Reply
February 5, 2010

Jim Kukral TheBizWebCoach

Lol. I'm so downloading it right now!

Reply
February 5, 2010

Michael Gaines

Wow, I don't know what to say. As an iPhone developer, almost none of those things can happen. Yes, some sneaky code has gotten into some apps like the Dragon Dictation app (but that was clearly laid out in the EULA). However, apps can't do what you describe.

Reply
February 5, 2010

Michael Gaines

Wow, I don't know what to say. As an iPhone developer, almost none of those things can happen. Yes, some sneaky code has gotten into some apps like the Dragon Dictation app (but that was clearly laid out in the EULA). However, apps can't do what you describe.

Reply
February 5, 2010

chaeseco

that's one thing I like about android, is that before you install it tells you what parts it will need access to, including things like GPS, camera, contacts, internet access and etc.

Reply
February 5, 2010

Jim Kukral TheBizWebCoach

Lol. I'm so downloading it right now!

Reply
February 5, 2010

Michael Gaines

Wow, I don’t know what to say. As an iPhone developer, almost none of those things can happen. Yes, some sneaky code has gotten into some apps like the Dragon Dictation app (but that was clearly laid out in the EULA). However, apps can’t do what you describe.

Reply
February 6, 2010

stormywhether

So who actually wrote this piece? I got to the bottom and thought, wowzies, Mr Penn is BACK! But I'm riddling it's a wonderful woman instead.

You make great points, here, and as an iPhone app developer I can tell you that you're on the money. I've been told most of the stuff you talk about is feasible, if you're an advanced technokid with the smarts and determination to do it. Thankfully it's becoming more difficult and I'm sure there'll be a total lockdown on unauthorised data communications in the near future.

Gotta love dem kittehs!

Reply
February 6, 2010

stormywhether

So who actually wrote this piece? I got to the bottom and thought, wowzies, Mr Penn is BACK! But I'm riddling it's a wonderful woman instead.

You make great points, here, and as an iPhone app developer I can tell you that you're on the money. I've been told most of the stuff you talk about is feasible, if you're an advanced technokid with the smarts and determination to do it. Thankfully it's becoming more difficult and I'm sure there'll be a total lockdown on unauthorised data communications in the near future.

Gotta love dem kittehs!

Reply
February 6, 2010

stormywhether

So who actually wrote this piece? I got to the bottom and thought, wowzies, Mr Penn is BACK! But I'm riddling it's a wonderful woman instead.

You make great points, here, and as an iPhone app developer I can tell you that you're on the money. I've been told most of the stuff you talk about is feasible, if you're an advanced technokid with the smarts and determination to do it. Thankfully it's becoming more difficult and I'm sure there'll be a total lockdown on unauthorised data communications in the near future.

Gotta love dem kittehs!

Reply
February 8, 2010

Gravity

Good point Chris.
Privacy is a pervasive issue, and many corporates (like CEO Facebook) try to refashion the current feelings of many people by saying “privacy is dead” and so on.
Apple could easily include an “API privacy statement” which discloses to users what kind of inter-app activities the installed app takes, so you have an audit, so to speak, rather than relying on the integrity of the developer. Many solutions are possible, but it takes Apple caring about it (and by extension, it would take Facebook actually caring but we all know it's not in their interest to make privacy easy; their business relies on voyeurism).

Reply
February 8, 2010

Gravity

Good point Chris.
Privacy is a pervasive issue, and many corporates (like CEO Facebook) try to refashion the current feelings of many people by saying “privacy is dead” and so on.
Apple could easily include an “API privacy statement” which discloses to users what kind of inter-app activities the installed app takes, so you have an audit, so to speak, rather than relying on the integrity of the developer. Many solutions are possible, but it takes Apple caring about it (and by extension, it would take Facebook actually caring but we all know it's not in their interest to make privacy easy; their business relies on voyeurism).

Reply
February 8, 2010

Gravity

Good point Chris.
Privacy is a pervasive issue, and many corporates (like CEO Facebook) try to refashion the current feelings of many people by saying “privacy is dead” and so on.
Apple could easily include an “API privacy statement” which discloses to users what kind of inter-app activities the installed app takes, so you have an audit, so to speak, rather than relying on the integrity of the developer. Many solutions are possible, but it takes Apple caring about it (and by extension, it would take Facebook actually caring but we all know it's not in their interest to make privacy easy; their business relies on voyeurism).

Reply
February 8, 2010

Gravity

Good point Chris.
Privacy is a pervasive issue, and many corporates (like CEO Facebook) try to refashion the current feelings of many people by saying “privacy is dead” and so on.
Apple could easily include an “API privacy statement” which discloses to users what kind of inter-app activities the installed app takes, so you have an audit, so to speak, rather than relying on the integrity of the developer. Many solutions are possible, but it takes Apple caring about it (and by extension, it would take Facebook actually caring but we all know it’s not in their interest to make privacy easy; their business relies on voyeurism).

Reply
January 1, 2011

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