Out of the Office Autoreply: God's on break, please call back later.

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Based on what’s in the book of Genesis from the Abrahamic bibles, God created everything in six days.

Day 1. Universe.
Day 2. Earth and water.
Day 3. Land and shrubbery.
Day 4. Seasons, day, and night.
Day 5. Critters.
Day 6. Mankind.
Day 7. Break.

If you assume that God’s calendar works differently than humans, and that the universe, based on the best research available, is between 12 and 16 billion years old, here’s a rough timeline:

Day 1. Universe. 12 billion years ago.
Day 2. Earth and water. 1.3 billion years ago. (Rodinia)
Day 3. Land and shrubbery. 500 million years ago.
Day 4. Seasons, day, and night. We’ll chalk this one up to error as pre-biblical folks weren’t exactly strong at astronomy 5,000 years ago.
Day 5. Critters. 300 million years ago.
Day 6. Mankind. 2 million years ago (homo erectus)
Day 7. Break.

Based on the giant times between periods – 200 million years or more – it’s funny to think that we might still be on Day 7, meaning God’s still out having coffee or whatever it is deities do during their off hours, and probably will be for at least another 180 million years…

Do prayers get an out of the office autoreply? It certainly would explain why a lot of people’s prayers are not answered but occasionally some are. Maybe God checks his messages infrequently when he’s on vacation.

Comments

8 responses to “Out of the Office Autoreply: God's on break, please call back later.”

August 23, 2007

Rob Suarez

Yes, but does He twitter while he’s away?

Reply
August 23, 2007

Clarence

“..in His own time then..” Hmm, the bible says — He is always listenin’. Just like I could wait a whole day or two to respond to personal mail (do you need to respond same day? Doubtful), God does things in His own time, bruh. I think prayers get answered, but, definitely in His time. There is that whole additional concept of Faith that tag-teams. I’d crack funny about God and Blackberry, but, I believe in God and I’m trying not to get struck down by lightning. Last I checked, that wasn’t a viable way for Humans to come up with any superpowers anyways!

Reply
August 23, 2007

Clarence

“..in His own time then..” Hmm, the bible says — He is always listenin’. Just like I could wait a whole day or two to respond to personal mail (do you need to respond same day? Doubtful), God does things in His own time, bruh. I think prayers get answered, but, definitely in His time. There is that whole additional concept of Faith that tag-teams. I’d crack funny about God and Blackberry, but, I believe in God and I’m trying not to get struck down by lightning. Last I checked, that wasn’t a viable way for Humans to come up with any superpowers anyways!

Reply
August 23, 2007

Doug Haslam

“…but Jesus will be available for a service call. He will arrive anytime during the next millenium, between the hours of 8AM and 4PM GMT. Please wait by your door so you will not miss the call.”

Reply
August 23, 2007

Doug Haslam

“…but Jesus will be available for a service call. He will arrive anytime during the next millenium, between the hours of 8AM and 4PM GMT. Please wait by your door so you will not miss the call.”

Reply
August 23, 2007

Rob Suarez

Yes, but does He twitter while he’s away?

Reply
August 27, 2007

Ted Demopoulos, Blogging for B

He’s probably not an email (or equivalent) junkie like I am. I hope . . .

Reply
August 27, 2007

Ted Demopoulos, Blogging for Business

He’s probably not an email (or equivalent) junkie like I am. I hope . . .

Reply