Category: Awakening

  • Losing for the win

    At the dojo

    Last night at the Boston Martial Arts Center I had an interesting experience while coaching one of the green belt students on some avoidance techniques. The drill was simple: I swung at the student with a foam-padded bopper and after avoiding a relatively slow swing, they had to hit a padded target. It’s a drill of avoidance and footwork on one hand, and accuracy on the other. The drill encourages not only good technique, but presence of mind – you can’t just wildly avoid or you’ll be out of position for the target hitting.

    What was interesting to me wasn’t the drill itself but two insights I had. The first insight was that I had to strongly resist my own urge to “win”, to hit the student with the foam stick. That wasn’t the point of the drill, and initially, my own ego and desire to “win” by the conventional definition (hit them with the bopper) was quite strong. It took me a good minute or two before we started to put myself in the right frame of mind, that I was there to help the student first and foremost, and to appropriately move at a speed that insured more success than failure, while not eliminating the chance for failure.

    The second insight, which was part of that reframing, was that “winning” in this case wasn’t hitting the student with the bopper. Winning was actually “losing” the majority of the time for my role as the attacker. If I was not able to hit them the majority of the time, if I was able to have them succeed first and foremost, that was the true win, the win in the bigger picture. They’d walk away with more skill, more insight of their own, and more happiness rather than walk away demoralized or ashamed of their performance. In this case a narrow-minded personal “win” would have been a failure on my part as a coach and a failure on the part of the student.

    When I look over my career, this is a pattern writ large. Those times that have been the most fruitful and the most successful were when I put a bigger picture win ahead of a narrow-minded personal win. When you help create success in others, they root for your success and actively look for ways to help you achieve it. Those times that have been the most stressful and unpleasant were because I created selfish success at the expense of others. In a world where you are the platform, creating situations where people don’t want to see you succeed is tantamount to career suicide, while creating situations where people are actively and eagerly supporting you is a rocketship to the top.

    The challenge I continue to face is whether my ego is willing to lose small for the big win.


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  • The graduation lesson I wish I’d had

    Kitten

    This time of year, we trot out the favorites of graduation speeches that inspire, make us laugh, and make us think. Whether it’s Steve Jobs at Stanford, Conan O’Brien at Dartmouth, Bill Gates at Harvard, or Stephen Colbert at Knox College, there’s no shortage of awakening moments to be had. Watch them all – they make for a fine evening’s entertainment and probably better than anything on television at the moment.

    That said, all of these talks share one thing in common: what your future is about, what life is like after school or what it could be like. None of them teach the lesson that took me decades to learn, one I’ve been working on since I was 16, one that I struggle to still live consistently even though I understand it intellectually.

    Learning to control your mind is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

    Everything else stems from that skill, which we don’t teach at all in almost every school. We treat our minds the same way we treat puppies and kittens. We feed them, we give them lots of treats, we scold them, but in the end we excuse almost any misbehavior because “it’s just the way we are”.

    That’s a lie.

    “Just the way we are” is a lie we tell ourselves to avoid the simple truth that the way we are is the way we choose to be. Unquestionably, life gives us some ridiculously difficult circumstances to deal with, because the universe is a monstrously unfair place. How our minds are conditioned to deal with the basic nature of reality determines how happy we can be. We have almost no control over the externalities of our lives, but we have complete control over what we think of it, how we feel about it, and what we do in return.

    That control, control of our minds (and hearts and spirits) is a lesson I wish were taught vigorously in schools by any reasonable means possible. With control over your mind, the rat race vanishes. With control of your mind, you can be happy in the circumstances you are in. With control of your mind, life can throw punches at you but you can roll with the hits and avoid getting knocked down for very long. With control of your mind, you can take the extra time to engineer situations in which everyone around you wins, and eagerly cheers for your own success.

    No school taught these lessons to me. I had to find them through lots of trial and error, through the martial arts and meditation practices, and I’m still working on them quite a bit. Had I spent as much time in school learning how to control my mind as I did learning what to put in it, I’d have a 20 year head start on my current progress. I hope you can find this lesson for yourself and once you do, share with the graduates in your life. Give them the head start on starting with their heads for a happier life, no matter the circumstances.


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  • The self-healing society

    I have been watching with great interest the role that social media has played in helping society in the aftermath of disasters and tragedies. Every year that passes, more people get connected online, more people interact, more people expand their social networks and connections. That creates a mesh, a sort of fabric between us. In normal times, we trade cat photos, we laugh at silly memes, we irritate each other with odd political posts, and we generally act as you would expect a neighborhood of hundreds of millions of people to act.

    Under stress, however, that social fabric transformed into a glue. It strengthened the community, helped people to connect and check in with each other, and accelerated the healing process at a pace faster than ever. Immediately after the marathon attacks, not only did news move faster than ever, but so did our ability to adapt, from offering support to shouting down misinformation. Within a few hours of the marathon attacks, two charitable funds (One Boston and TUGG) sprung up and collected millions of dollars in donations to help the injured, powered by social sharing. As people heal, they share their experiences to help others heal as well, at an unprecedented scale, sharing everything and anything that helps them to heal.

    Boston Bruins.Buffalo Sabres National Anthem at TD Garden – First Home Game Since Marathon Tragedy

    This gives me great hope for the future of social media as an integral part of our society’s self-healing and coping mechanisms. Yes, there will always be polarizing jerks who have something negative to say, but when the defecation hits the ventilation, our innate nature to step up and help each other is only strengthened by the technologies we immerse ourselves in. As technologies advance such as wearable computing, our ability to respond effectively to accidents, disasters, and attacks will only improve.


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  • Answering why

    I had initially kept this set of thoughts private but so many people found it helpful that I’m publishing it in the hopes it continues to do more good.

    Candle

    The second hardest moment after the attacks at the Marathon for me, after finding out that friends, family, and colleagues were safe and unharmed, was answering the question “Why?” when my kid asked me. Why would someone want to do this? How do you explain this?

    The answer I came up with made sense at the time and still does. Good and evil exist in a balance in this world. Evil will never go away because that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

    Evil exists to wake us up, to shake away everything unimportant, and to help us find the true heroes around us and inside of us. And perhaps, I said, to find that hero inside yourself when the time comes.

    Only in darkness can we see our inner light.


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  • Transcending pain by doing the work

    Edvisors SLN Day Away 2007

    Much has been written and much more will be written about the events at the Boston Marathon, and I’ll leave the wordsmithing of it to others who are far better writers. All I have to offer at the moment is some simple advice I received for things like this. Once long ago, I asked one of my teachers, Stephen K. Hayes, about how to recover from something that was incredibly draining, incredibly stressful, and traumatic. His advice still rings true today – doing some menial work can help you get past difficult times, recover your energy, restore your peace of mind. It can be anything from going outside and working the soil to filing papers or cleaning your office, maybe sorting email lists, whatever you can do to help your body and mind work together without putting undue stress on both.

    If your life and your peace of mind has been affected, I would encourage you to try out this advice. Take some time today to do some menial work, some simple work, maybe an extra walk or two during the breaks in your workday. The healing process is one of momentum. Events and circumstances shock us, bring our lives to a brief, stunning halt for a short period of time. In order to heal effectively, we have to do what we can to restore the momentum of our lives, to get back in motion all that is supposed to be in motion. Go do the work, the little stuff, the things that have to get done as a means of getting the momentum in your life restarted.

    May you find peace and healing returning to your door swiftly.

  • On being a hero

    I have a bit of a rant. If you’re not into rants, feel free to skip this post entirely.

    Hero.

    To quote The Princess Bride, I do not think that word means what you think it means. It’s the trendy term in marketing today, along with its cousin, superhero, but it’s being used wrongly.

    • Being good at your marketing job does not make you a hero (or a superhero).
    • Hitting or exceeding your marketing performance numbers does not make you a hero.
    • Being popular in social media does not make you a hero.

    What makes you a hero is when you display the will for self-sacrifice in the face of adversity.

    • When a firefighter rushes into a building to save a life, he or she is putting someone else’s life and safety ahead of their own. That is heroism.
    • When you are poor but still save up enough to donate to a worthy cause, you are putting your own well-being secondary to someone else’s. That is heroism.
    • When you stand up for someone else’s rights and lend your voice in cause of something unpopular, you are risking your reputation for theirs. That is heroism.

    We have, as I’ve written in the past, more powers and capabilities than ever before as human beings. We are comic book legends today in terms of abilities. We can see distant places (YouTube), know the thoughts of people around us (social networks), change lives with small resources (micro-lending), change and persuade minds (marketing). We have the means. We have the opportunity. Do we have the motivation, the will to put the world before us?

    Being a hero isn’t about a shiny badge for your blog or calling yourself (or anyone else) that in your marketing slide deck. It’s about having the means, motivation, and opportunity to use all of your abilities to make the world a better place than it is now, at your own expense. That’s why I call this blog Awaken Your Superhero. Awakening your superhero is about understanding and improving what you’re capable of so that when you choose to make that self-sacrifice, the impact you make is bigger. You can be ever more effective when you seek to make a difference, when you choose to put others before you, when you are ready to embody what heroism is truly about.

    Are you legitimately a hero? Ask yourself that difficult, soul-searching question before you or anyone you work with puts that in your next marketing piece.


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  • The most frequent piece of advice I’m giving lately

    Want to know the most frequent piece of advice I’m giving lately?

    It’s a piece of advice I gave to the staff at a recent internal training.
    It’s a piece of advice I gave to friends and colleagues who are crumbling under stress.
    It’s a piece of advice I gave to DJ Waldow and Nick Westergaard for their recent Work Talk Show.
    It’s a piece of advice I gave to anyone who has asked for “the one thing that will make a difference” for them, personally or professionally.

    Candle flame

    Learn to meditate.

    I mean that in all seriousness. Here’s why: the dark side to the economy of attention, which is the wonderful, powerful economy that drives social media and digital marketing, is the abundance of distraction. Every time a content marketer publishes a new infographic, a new YouTube video, a clever Tweet, etc., they are attempting to grab your attention. That is, by definition, a distraction. They are making a withdrawal on your attention, presumably in exchange for something of value. But that interruption, that disruption, that distraction very often costs far more than you get in return for a cheap laugh at a graphic or a retweet of a cute status.

    The antidote to distraction is focus. Focus comes from discipline. Discipline can be taught with meditation. While everyone and everything in marketing is looking to withdraw from your bank of attention, you can make deposits of focus with meditation.

    How do you get started? Pick something that requires you to be in the here and now only. For some people, that’s the stereotypical image of a person sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop, inhaling the mists and chanting. That does work for some people. For others, it’s going for a run, painting, going to the shooting range, training at the dojo, singing… whatever activity or practice that requires you to be fully invested in the here and now only, activities that tolerate no distraction and in some cases have adverse consequences if you allow your attention to waver.

    Incidentally, what do we call someone who takes unfairly, returning little or nothing?

    A thief.

    Stop letting thieves steal from your bank of attention. Create focus with the meditation practice of your choice so that you build up the vault walls and strengthen the door by disciplining your mind to keep the thieves out. Once you learn how to do this, you will find that you’ll get more done, be happier, have less stress, and be more effective at everything in your life.

    If you’re still looking for a way to get started, I strongly encourage you to drop the 99 cents for my teacher’s guided meditation on iTunes. Stephen K. Hayes will take you through a 9 minute basic practice to get you back to the here and now, and the ROI of increased focus is enormous. Give it a try.


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  • Oppression begins with inequality

    Red Pill Blue Pill

    “You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth, that you are a slave. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.” – Morpheus

    I believe in absolute equality of opportunity, of which marriage equality, gay rights, and due process are a part of. Getting people to believe in absolute equality is a hard sell, mostly because the various powers that be greatly oppose absolute equality in any form. Here’s why.

    Throughout the course of human history, we can roughly group every human society into the Haves and Have-Nots. Throughout the course of human history, the Haves have been figuring out how to keep what they have, and the Have-Nots have been figuring out how to take at least some of the good stuff away from the Haves. Sometimes this takes obvious forms, like totalitarian governments that oppress dissent through fear, or monarchs and warlords pressing the peasants into armies to kill each other off as frequently as possible.

    The less obvious way for the Haves to keep the Have-Nots from gathering them up in the town square and killing them all (which has happened a fair number of times, too) is to get the Have-Nots to oppress each other. Think about it for a second – what could be easier than crowdsourcing your fear tactics? The way to do this is easy, so easy that it’s got a psychological phenomenon named after it, the granfalloon technique. It’s the process of creating a separate identity out of largely irrelevant differences. Ask any Yankees fan about the Red Sox and you’re seeing the granfalloon effect in full swing.

    The Haves in modern America, and you can call them whatever you want, the 1%, the elite, or as George W. Bush so colorfully said, the Have-Mores, use this very much to their advantage. How do you get a population of 300 million people, many of whom are not going to be successful, many of whom are not going to to ever be in the Haves, much less the Have-Mores, from revolting (again)? You leverage your old friend, inequality.

    Look back at American history. When slavery was abolished, poor blacks and poor whites were effectively in the same starting place. The plantation owners realized they were in for a potential revolt, so they played the racism card and managed to get the two classes fighting each other, rather than have them turning an eye towards the wealthiest. Every generation of immigrants has been demonized by the scions of the previous generation’s leaders, from the Irish being demonized by the Italians to Mexicans and Hispanics today. I always have a cynical, bitter chuckle when I read racist remarks about Hispanics coming out of the mouths of folks with Irish heritage.

    World history provides even more stark examples. All you need do is look at the various Holocausts through a different lens – after all, the Nazis who exterminated millions of people certainly didn’t let the victims’ possessions just lay around. There are still disputes today over ownership of works of art and other family heirlooms almost 70 years after the war ended. The Haves took, and brutally killed off the Have-Nots in the process.

    Marriage equality, racial parity, gay rights, etc. are just a few of the many different ways we’re being told by the Haves to fight each other. Republicans and Democrats are told by their party bosses to fight. Liberals and Conservatives. Christians and Muslims. Blacks and whites. Hell, as evidenced by recent events (like last week), we’re still fighting each other over gender, the oldest of divisions.

    The antidote to this, from marriage equality to racism to gender stereotypes, is absolute equality of opportunity, the certain belief that we are all equal in opportunity (but not equal in result), and the realization that any form of inequality not only is wrong from a moral perspective, but is a tool of oppression being leveraged against us, by us. The moment you fall victim to believing in someone else’s inequality – “Oh, they’re a Republican, I hate them” or “Oh, they’re a Jew, I hate them” or “Oh, they’re a feminist, I hate them” – you blind yourself to the truth that the other person is probably working just as hard for the same things you both want – happy home, happy life, happy spirit. You’re doing the work of the Haves for them (and unpaid!).

    The practical antidote is to keep that simple mantra in your mind every time inequality rears its head in you. “I am not a tool of the 1%” or “I am not a tool of the Haves”. Every time you see or hear something that creates that knee-jerk response in your own mind, recite that mantra and resolve to overcome your own prejudices in order to give the other person a chance to prove that they are your equal or not as an individual. Vow not to do the work of the Haves for them.

    Equality of opportunity also doesn’t mean equality of outcome. The fastest runner should win, no matter what race, gender, or sexual orientation they are. But the situation today doesn’t call for equality of outcome. It calls for equality of opportunity.

    We must recognize that equality of opportunity means everyone starts the race at the same start line.
    No one starts 50 meters behind.
    No one starts with an anvil tied to their leg.
    No one is shot dead halfway through the race just because they showed signs they might win.

    Inequality is a virus that spreads from mind to mind. Inoculate yourself, and inoculate others. Support all forms of equality of opportunity. Once you open your eyes to that truth, not only will your life be filled with less anger and hate, you’ll start to see how the world really works.

    Or, you take the blue pill, you wake up in your bed, and you continue to believe whatever the Haves want you to believe. Your choice.


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  • How to starve trouble

    Morning sunrise over metro Boston reservoir

    An odd metaphysical thought (re)occurred to me last night while reading some of the day’s news stories. Maybe a contributing reason to why it feels like we’re experiencing more trouble in the world is because we’re actively wishing for it. Think about it for a second. There are now huge chunks of the economy (hedge funds, short selling, etc.) that thrive only if other people suffer. Other people have to lose in order for you to win, so you hope and wish for their failure. You root for others’ setbacks and misery to advance your own profits or goals. You hope the corn crop is a bust so that your shorting the commodity pays off.

    It’s not just limited to the money. We’re getting in the habit of actively wishing harm on others. We actively wish misfortune on other points of view, other beliefs. Think about it. Weapons manufacturers hopes for increased violence to sell product (as long as it’s not their product). Politicians demonize victims to advance their own legislation. Our politics are more about putting the other guy/gal/party/ideology down than they are promoting what we believe in, so much so that we define candidates by what they oppose instead of what they support. How insane is that? We now value leaders based on how they’ll set back progress! (as long as it’s not the progress we want)

    We’re so busy telling people who oppose our views that they’re doing it wrong trying to climb the mountain towards success that we fail to realize we’re all trying to go to the same general destination – happy home, happy family, happy business, happy community, happy spirits. Some people are so lost that they spend all their time trying to push other people down the mountain rather than focusing on their own climb.

    The wonderful thing about a (mostly) capitalist society is this: you can choose what you socially support by choosing what you economically support. If you think that a news organization has done appalling things to boost their ratings, then never turn that channel on, never mention them in social media, and support competitors of their advertisers. If you think a culture of sports is the problem, then withdraw your support from them and their advertisers. If a company or organization does something good, does something constructive, then reward them with your business. Be especially vigilant about rewarding people of opposing viewpoints when they do something that’s good – recognize that even in your differences, we all share the same common hopes and dreams.

    Most of all, swear by this simple mantra, this simple expression:

    No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from.

    That is our collective path to freedom, if we only have the sense to take it. You have the power in the choices you make every day.


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  • Do you read this blog on Google Reader? Get the newsletter instead!

    Chris Brogan & Penn #pcb6

    As friend and fellow blogger Chris Brogan did, so am I: if you read this blog on Google Reader, it’s going away on July 1. How else can you get the blog? Well, you can bet that Feedburner is in the crosshairs for Google next, so don’t go there. Instead:

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