Category: Awakening

  • Failing December and loving it

    Ever had a New Year’s Resolution go bad?

    Ever fallen off the tracks in the start of a new year and had it impact your whole year?

    Why wait until the ball drops in Times Square when you can drop the ball right now?

    I’ve been failing December – intentionally – and loving it. This month, I’m trying out new stuff, going back and doing maintenance on previous failures, and watching things explode fairly spectacularly. Why? Because if I figure out all the failure points now, while I can mentally group all the failures in the bucket of 2009, then by the time I move into 2010, I’ll already have figured out where the landmines are.

    A couple of examples:

    I’ve failed at running several times. I started again at the beginning of this month and failed almost immediately, but asked around a few folks as to what I was doing wrong. I said, hey, I’m just doing this for fitness, not for competition or anything – why am I failing at casual running? Immediately a few folks pointed out the obvious – even casual running demands reasonably good shoes for avoiding damage, plus some basic changes to nutrition. I’ve since resumed with less failure.

    I’ve failed at maintaining one of my web sites, the FAFSA guide site I run. This month, I’ve been cleaning it up with the help of some wicked smart coworkers and found entirely new power tools in things I thought I knew how to use (my text editor, it turns out, has nuclear options!) that make me spectacularly more powerful. Just today I discovered a function that in the past I would have needed if I’d known to look for it. The process of failing has led to some great new tools to carry into 2010.

    Icecrown Citadel, the last patch of the World of Warcraft Wrath of the Lich King expansion, is dropping this month. Some folks say it’ll be December 8, other folks say later. No matter when it drops, I anticipate a rich bounty of complete failure at the various wings of the Citadel by our guild – and in doing so, we’ll become even more proficient at the roles we play, so that when the New Year rolls around, our sad little army will instead be a battle-hardened platoon ready to take on the Lich King himself.

    What are you going to fail at (and learn from) this month, so that prospects for success with your resolutions for the New  Year is greatly increased?

    How can you start failing today for success tomorrow?


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  • Celebrate your victories

    New England Warrior Camp 2010

    Ever heard someone be congratulated and their reply was “Aw, it was nothing”?

    Ever listened to someone recount a tale of legitimate good work and say that it wasn’t a big deal?

    Don’t ever do this to yourself. Why?

    Part of our personal power is our ability to draw upon not just the knowledge but the emotion and energy of past successes to generate future success. Tap into all that was, all that you’ve done, all that you’ve achieved in order to firm your resolve against future obstacles. You know in your mind, in your heart, in your spirit that you do have what it takes to win in tough situations, that you can pull victory from the jaws of defeat.

    Unless.

    Unless you diminish and demean your past successes with diminishing words under the excuse of modesty. Unless you undermine your own past power by calling it nothing, by calling it a little thing, by saying that what you have done wasn’t a big deal. The words you use to describe what you’ve achieved color how you perceive those achievements. If you were trying to set up your life for failure, for frustration, for mediocrity, this is exactly the approach you’d take – amplify your failures and diminish your successes in your own mind, through your own words, and failure is guaranteed.

    Modesty has its place, to be sure. One of the traits of the folks in my life who I consider to be very successful, very powerful people is that they happily acknowledge and celebrate their successes, modestly outwardly but strongly inwardly. When praised, very often their response is simply sincere thanks. When I receive praise, I copy my role models and simply express thanks and gratitude externally.

    Internally is a different story. I reaffirm successes, relish the feeling of winning, and use it to steel myself against future battles. “I think I can” becomes “I know I can, because I have and I celebrate those past victories as the key to even more victory in the future!”

    The habit of celebrating your successes becomes even more important when you face enemies who will seek to make you doubt yourself. If you live in the habit of saying that a success was nothing, an enemy need only encourage and amplify those words to steamroll you. They face a much tougher battle when you bear the shield of confidence built from past success (and celebration of it) and their efforts simply bounce off you. These enemies need not just be in the boardroom or on the golf course – they can be your own internal demons as well. Celebrate your successes and every additional success diminishes their sway over you.

    Make sure you celebrate your successes, lest you rob yourself of the power you will need to drive even more success ahead.


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  • On sorrow

    Ever lost someone you cared about?

    Ever faced impossible odds or certain defeat?

    The difference in life between those for whom events and circumstances crush them and those who overwhelm their circumstances to success (or at least a decent Pyrrhic victory) is all in how we approach them.

    For some, escaping loss and sorrow is the best way out. We retreat from the circumstances, we get away, we change our context so that the loss doesn’t hurt nearly as much, so that it’s not in our faces all the time. We take the measured break from the life we lead to reset, reboot, and find our way out of blinding sadness. One day, we wake up from the nightmare and can live again.

    For others, we work together to overcome our respective sorrows. We teach where and when we can to help others just starting out on their journeys how to overcome initial obstacles, maybe how to take that time off, and in the process of teaching, we learn and grow ourselves. We find that sometimes the best advice is coming from us, but we just forgot to get the memo. One day we wake up, realize that we’ve been teaching ourselves as well as others, and we are healed of our woes.

    For a select few who are especially courageous and especially willing to subject ourselves to the fire, we dive straight into our misery and like a blacksmith pounding iron into swords, we find it within ourselves to twist and reshape our sorrows into motivators. We turn loss into gain, sadness into resoluteness, anguish into unyielding will to do more, be more, achieve more in the face of what we’ve lost. We honor the past by forging the brightest future we can. One day we wake up and realize we’ve become greater than we ever could have been without our loss, and in a wonderful, poignant irony we become thankful for hearing the lessons of our sorrows and being richer for it.

    Whichever pathway you choose, may you find your way home.


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  • A better way to be thankful on Thanksgiving

    Something to think about this Thanksgiving (for those who celebrate it, for everyone else it’s World of Warcraft’s PIlgrim’s Bounty):

    Don’t just be thankful for the things you have in your life that you appreciate.

    That’s good and a good start, but if you want to take it to a different level, ask yourself this:

    How can I create or foster more of what I’m thankful for in the world?

    • If you’re thankful for family and friends, how can you help reinforce strong family and good friends in the world for others?
    • If you’re thankful for health, how can you bring a healing presence to those around you?
    • If you’re thankful for wealth, how can you help others achieve what you’ve done?

    In short, what do you stand for? What do you want to see more of? How can you create more of that in the world, in your community, in your life?

    As you do your prayers, meditations, gatherings, and offerings over the holiday (or any day, really), think about that cornucopia on the table. From nothingness appears a Pilgrim’s Bounty of what’s needed to bring life, health, and prosperity to your life.

    Ask how you can create more of that for yourself and everyone you care about and the universe (or *.deity if that’s your belief system) may just agree to a win-win situation in which everyone gets more of what they want and need in your life.

    Happy Pilgrim’s Bounty!


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  • Why Serendipity Shouldn't Matter

    Why Serendipity Shouldn’t Matter

    “Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something fortunate, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated.” – Wikipedia

    I’ll be contrarian to my good friend Chris Brogan in saying that serendipity shouldn’t matter to you. Here’s what I mean. There’s an interesting expression in ninjutsu: banpen fugyo. Literally, change, never surprised. Toshitsugu Takamatsu, the previous headmaster of the Togakure Ryu ninjutsu school, is quoted as saying there’s no such thing as surprise for the ninja.

    Stephen K. Hayes, my teacher’s teacher, often says that luck is merely energy that is unchanneled.

    If you’re really good – really good – at life, if you’re working towards mastery of all that life has to offer and all the potential you have in life, then surprise and serendipity should be the gravy. They should be the bonuses at best. Why?

    At the Web 2.0 Open, one of the exercises I asked people to do (adapted from Stephen K. Hayes’ phenomenal Evocation workshop) is to pick out something in your life that seemed like a lottery ticket sort of experience. Pick out something that was just wow! and good fortune came your way, and tell that story to a friend. During the event, I asked people to talk to the person next to them about their experiences, telling this story of a magical moment in their life when something fortunate happened. I told my story of co-founding PodCamp with Chris Brogan and suddenly finding myself on a jet to Sweden to put on PodCamp Europe at Jeff Pulver’s behest.

    Serendipity, right? Good luck, right?

    The second half of this particular exercise was to take the exact same story but retell it in a fashion where no luck was involved, where you made it happen and the natural course of events was that your efforts and focus created the outcome of success. I asked people to exaggerate if they needed to, but make the story work. Again, my story was of how hard Chris and I worked to create PodCamp and make it the success it was, and naturally events occurred which led to us being asked to create PodCamp Europe.

    Here’s the funny thing: with a significant majority of the room, very little or no exaggeration was needed. Very little. Most people were able to find enough factual evidence in their lottery ticket moment of all the things they had done, all the choices they had made, that led to their good fortune. More than a few spirits perked up as they realized just how much of a hand they had in their “luck”.

    This is the power that you have, the power that you give away, the power that you forfeit when you chase serendipity, when you hope for good things to happen just because instead of taking the reins for yourself.

    Take charge of your life. Take charge of your destiny. Yes, leave room for hope and serendipity, leave room for good things to happen as bonuses to what you’re already doing, but do not live another day in your already too short life counting on hope when you have the capacity, the capability to take the wheel of the ship for yourself, to make good things happen, and to set the stage for the results you want.


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  • Doing More With Less

    Doing More With Less

    I had the pleasure and privilege to present at the Web 2.0 Open conference in New York City recently on the topic of Doing More With Less, a topic near and dear to everyone. The session itself is based on so much of what I’ve learned from Mark Davis of the Boston Martial Arts Center and his teacher, Stephen K. Hayes. Here’s the funny part about the session – I can’t replicate any significant part of it here on the blog.

    The content is entirely provided by you, the audience. I’m more or less just a tour guide. No slides, no PowerPoint, not even a real presentation, just a guided experience in which you and your fellow audience members discover new things about yourselves.

    I called the session the most technologically advanced session of the entire conference, and in a way, it’s true. The human technology was what we explored. I made the analogy that gear and tech will only get you so far. Hand a rank amateur a 50 point and shoot camera or a2,000 DSLR and you’ll get about the same number of lens cap photos. The gear and tech can improve bad photos potentially to mediocre, but that’s about it.

    Conversely, a truly skilled photographer? Give them either camera and they’ll create amazing works of art that nearly ignore the limitations of gear. Don’t believe me? Check out the cameraphone category on Flickr to see some amazing works.

    In the session, we investigated four areas of doing more with less:

    1. Redefining less. With friends, we examined what less was with our training partners, and then looking at less from a different perspective to gain some mental freedom from a poor resources mindset.

    2. Finding authentic self. With friends, we examined things that have always been a part of our lives and how we can align ourselves and our careers, lives, and businesses with our inherent strengths to do more, plus looked at the difference between our current selves and our superhero selves.

    3. Reclaiming responsibility. With friends, we examined aspects of our life that appear as luck, good or bad, and how we can change our perceptions from luck to being in charge of our lives.

    4. Empowering our minds. We examined in a distilled fashion the idea of using your iPod to control your emotional state.

    It’s nearly impossible to convey online any significant part of the experience, so if you weren’t able to make it, I hope you can attend a future version of this, or attend the seminars and workshops given by my teachers. If you were there, I look forward to reading your feedback in the comments.

    You can also pick up some of the source material from Stephen K. Hayes as well.


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  • Punchlines and Personal Quotes

    If you’ve spent any time on my personal site, there’s one page I’d like you to think about replicating on your own, either publicly or privately, and it’s the quotes page.

    Why?

    Well, the idea for the quotes page came from the father of one of my teachers, the late Ira Hayes, motivational speaker. His son, Stephen K. Hayes, found among his belongings a page of punchlines that he kept as a crib sheet for speaking. What’s funny is that Ira didn’t write down the actual jokes, just the punchlines, so unless you attended his speeches back in the day, no one is really sure what the actual jokes are. Ira just collected the punchlines together over time as he spoke and developed new material.

    The quotes page on this site isn’t quite punchlines, but it is stuff I’ve collected over time that I find personally significant. Little expressions of things that made me think, things that are worth remembering.

    Why do this? There’s more content than ever today. More blogging, more tweeting, more everything, and it’s so tempting to get into the easy, lazy habit of assuming that Google will remember for us what we’ve experienced that we just turn our brains off. Hear a funny speech? Someone probably recorded it, right? Read a funny quote on Twitter? Google will have it, right?

    Don’t bet on it. If it’s important, don’t bet on it. In my Advanced Social Media class, I admonish my students that the live sessions may or may not be recorded, but they should act and work as if the sessions will NOT be recorded, so that they train their brains to capture useful information, rather than rely on a third party.

    I encourage you to do something similar for yourself. It doesn’t have to be public like my quotes page is, but make a habit out of saving and storing valuable information, useful information, in a compact form. If you speak publicly, obviously this is a practice that has an immediate use for you, but even if you don’t, it’s still a good habit to get into for tuning up your brain.


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  • What you need to do next in social media for success

    What’s next? Is it Google Wave? How should we be using Twitter? Which social networks should we be on? What’s next?

    Familiar questions? You hear these questions at conferences, trade shows, events, in the fishbowl, just about everywhere. They reflect a certain hunger, an almost desperate feeling from folks in the social media fishbowl, even from veteran practitioners.

    What’s next is a simple question to answer. As with many things, however, what’s simple is often not easy.

    What’s next is you. More specifically, what’s next for you is improving you, breaking away from existing limitations. No matter where you are on your social media journey, you’ve accrued some habits. Some are good and useful, some are not. Some habits are outdated already and aren’t serving you particularly well. For example, it might be your habit to reply to tweets at a certain time of day, but if your followers have changed and grown over time, they might want to hear from you at a different time of day, or new followers might have different expectations of how frequently you’ll keep in touch with them.

    What’s next isn’t more tools, which is that desperate hunger I mentioned earlier, that wanting of more shiny objects. You see this most acutely in people who are disappointed in new offerings like Google Wave, whose expectations were that it would dramatically change their lives. If you’re chasing after the tools, that’s understandable. After all, understanding and mastering the basics of the tools that you currently have has gotten you to this point.

    I’d offer instead that instead of longing for more tools, new tools, shinier objects, that you instead focus on becoming more powerful with the tools you already have. What do I mean? Let’s look at a martial arts example. There are only so many ways that physics, biology, and psychology permit us to punch, kick, or throw someone with any degree of effectiveness. Most of the tools you can achieve a basic, minimum level of competency with in about six months per tool if you practice diligently and frequently.

    After you understand and can use the basics, then what? Just more of the same? Sort of. In the martial arts, you start putting combinations of the basics together. You start to examine human nature, to figure out why someone would behave in such a way that necessitates using a punch or a kick on them. You start to dig deeper into people’s motivations and into your own weaknesses, solidifying the tools you’re not so comfortable with, figuring out what it is in your own nature that prevents you from being as effective as possible with that tool.

    Ultimately, once you reach higher levels of proficiency in the martial arts, the most juice for your squeeze comes out of self improvement. Got a quick temper? Learning how to channel that and tame that will do more for your quality of life (and keep you out of more fights) than the physical tools alone. Easily intimidated? Learning how to fortify your spirit will bring rewards not just to a physical encounter, but also to job interviews, workplace stress, and family problems, too.

    The tools of social media are no different from a big picture perspective. (Obviously, punching someone has much more immediate impact than tweeting them) Once you’ve gained proficiency with the tools themselves, if you want to be more and more effective, if you want to get more and more out of them, you have to look away from the tools and the distractions of the day and focus on what in your own human nature is holding you back from accomplishing even more.

    How do you do that? By first and foremost being honest with yourself, privately, internally, and quietly. Take some time, just a minute or two a day to start, to sit up straight and take a few deep breaths, then ask yourself these two questions:

    1. What one thing did I do today that I’m proud of?
    2. How can I take that thing I did and improve on it?

    Some days, it’ll be a little bit of work to accomplish even #1. That’s okay. That’s what’s powerful about social media. You can generate results very quickly, so go find something worth doing before each day is over and use the tools that you have to do it. Then put the results into your brain with question #2 and see if you become more effective, more free, more powerful with the tools you already have.

    Do this often enough, and you’ll wake up one day and realize that the answer to what’s next is and always has been inside your own heart and mind.


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  • Sissy words and painful mirrors

    Ever notice how our society and culture is slowly devaluing certain words, making them less common, making them less important, even though they’re important words?

    Here are some examples:

    – Virtue
    – Spirit
    – Valor
    – Moral

    Virtue’s turned into a kind of sissy word. Spirit’s avoided by an awful lot of people except in the contexts of church, school sports, and cloth armor for healers in World of Warcraft. Valor is so out of date that a decent number of people don’t even know what it means (beyond Emblems of Valor for iLevel 213 gear in Warcraft). Moral is either used as a societal bludgeon by some nutcases or an anathema of personal freedom by other nutcases.

    Ever wonder why words like these get devalued or pushed to the fringes? My current thinking on it deals with mirrors. How we communicate and the words we choose are mirrors of what’s going on inside. When we recoil from using some words on a societal level, on a cultural level, it might be because we don’t particularly like looking in that mirror and seeing that those words don’t apply to us much any more. Some words we desperately want to forget, like certain racial slurs. Other words, which are nominally “good” words but don’t match the reality of our society and ourselves, we just stop using instead.

    For example, we don’t use virtue much in daily language because frankly and bluntly, we’re not an especially virtuous society, and thus the absence of that value is reflected in the absence of the word from the language. If you consider the classical four virtues (cardinal virtues) that stretch back to Plato:

    – Prudence – able to judge between actions with regard to appropriate actions at a given time
    – Justice – proper moderation between the self-interest and the rights and needs of others
    – Restraint or Temperance – practicing self-control, abstention, and moderation
    – Courage or Fortitude – forbearance, endurance, and ability to confront fear and uncertainty, or intimidation

    Then we’re not doing an especially good job of any of them, and thus the word that encompasses them falls away. One stroll around your local shopping mall and you’ll easily pick out the values that are starkly absent in our society.

    Am I advocating for anything in particular? Not necessarily, though certainly more virtue would be nice. No, what I want you to take away and think about is this short list of questions:

    What words have you let lapse out of your vocabulary, and what impact does that have on you?
    How do you perceive yourself if those words no longer fit comfortable in your day to day language?
    What words do you use most frequently instead, and do they match the ideal of who you want to be?


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  • Heroism as the antidote to evil

    “When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.” – Edmund Burke

    Go read this story on CNN about a two and a half hour rape of a 15 year old at a San Francisco high school function as nearly two dozen people stood around did nothing, or worse, joined in. No one called 911. No one got help. Very reminiscent of the Kitty Genovese case and the bystander effect.

    How do you stop something like this?

    How do you counteract something like this?

    How do you prevent something like this from ever happening in the first place?

    Philip Zimbardo, of the Stanford Prison Experiment, has an elegant solution. The problem is the diffusion of responsibility. When a group of people are involved, no one person feels responsible. Only someone who steps forward, someone willing to take risks of social and physical violence, someone willing to bear the burden of breaking a conforming mindset can stop this.

    In short, a hero.

    Watch this TED talk featuring this discussion:

    Dr. Zimbardo’s idea of hero courses is a good one, but probably won’t come to a school, church, or workplace near you any time soon. So how do you get started on this today? His idea of heroic imagination has deep, deep roots, stretching back over thousands of years, across multiple continents. At Stephen K. Hayes’ Evocation seminar, one of the exercises done by participants was a detailed exploration of what our inner superhero looks like, sounds like, and acts like. While it’s impossible to recreate even a fraction of that seminar in the bits and bytes of a blog post, I’ll leave you with a question you can ponder, one that will get you that first step down the path towards finding your own superhero.

    Instead of thinking about superhero powers, think about superhero actions.

    If you had all the superhero powers you wanted and needed, what would you as a hero stand for, and what in all of the world would you first fight against?

    That single question will tell you not the kind of superhero that exists in your daydreams, but the one that exists inside of you right now.

    What do you stand for?
    What do you stand against?

    Think about that as you ponder the San Francisco rape, the Kitty Genovese bystander effect, and Dr. Zimbardo’s lecture. That will be the first step towards awakening your superhero and the superheroes of all those around you.

    Do it soon. Do it now. Right now, more than ever, our world needs as many heroes as it can get – including you.


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